It is now 2:02am, Wednesday 2nd July 2025.

I made this website with the very intent I detail above, I am now 22 turning 23 this year and in all honestly, the whole getting older thing isn’t getting any easier. As I become more disappointed with myself, I detest myself for not acting upon my youthful intuitions, the fear I had, the trauma, being thrown into a world where I had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like so now I am nearly 5 adult years old.

I am proud of myself, I have decentered men, I have reintroduced family back into my life, I have done a lot of healing and trauma work.

in spite all of my blessings and gratitude that majority of the time I am swimming in waves of, I have been cornered to completely confront my satisfaction in my life. I am not satisfied, I am frustrated with being so deeply aware of my potential and talent that before I was too insecure/ bitter to utilise it and now … I just don’t know what to do with it.

all my head can ground me in is that i am an artist, that i will one day be a mother, you have been writing poetry for seven years now and I want to release a book but there are so many poems I wouldn’t even know where to start. this partially makes me avoid it but I find solace it will make sense and even then it is all already aligning.

so i am not behind

i didn’t go fast

didn’t get a piggy back

maybe this fear

has also let me take my time

because if i put out art from a place of fear

and pain

i would be like the 27 club

and be counting my days

God has taught me that love

is the only way.